Since it can be hard to fit in as a Christian during your college years, I wanted to offer some advice—sure-fire stuff—about how to get rid of those pesky religious convictions you took so seriously when you were younger. Here is a step-by-step guide to de-conversion.
Step 1. When you go off to college, avoid finding a new church or forming any kind of Christian community, even a single Christian friend. We tend by nature to adopt the beliefs of those whose approval we desire. So, surround yourself with friends who find Christianity ridiculous, or who simply don't care about it, and soon you won't either.
Step 2. Take loads of humanities classes in which the professor assumes without argument that religion, especially Christianity, is not only false but evil, a tool of oppression used by the powerful throughout the dark and sordid history of Western "civilization." In these classes, pay no mind to whether the professor has offered any actual arguments for these claims. And do not ask yourself—certainly do not research—whether Christianity through the ages has been a force for good in the world. And above all, do not ask anyone—not even yourself—whether your professor's Marxist ideas have themselves been the greatest tool of oppression in the history of evil, in every country in which those ideas have been seriously attempted. No, it is Christianity that is evil.
Step 3. If you follow steps 1 and 2, your de-conversion should be well underway. But to really seal the deal, I recommend getting involved in a sexual relationship, or perhaps a series of them. Since Christianity says that sex is for marriage, this will provide a strong motivation for abandoning those Christian beliefs, which can otherwise be fairly resilient.
Step 4. Throw the baby out with the bath water. Were you raised to think evolutionary biology was the enemy? Prepare to be mocked. Were you raised to believe most people are going to Hell? Prepare to be pitied. When this happens, whatever you do, do not—I repeat, do not—ask whether there is any orthodox version of Christianity more nuanced and sophisticated that the one you were raised with. No, the one you were raised with, the religion of your local minister, is the intellectual-best Christianity can offer. Tell yourself that—better, don’t even ask—and it will be only a matter of time, trust me. Only consider silly versions of the faith, and it is sure to look silly.
Step 5. You'll need some kind of religious substitute. Many things can work here. Hatred of religion, for instance. But one that works especially well these days is identity politics. Become super woke and get really good at calling out subtle forms of racism on social media. And be careful not to seek any understanding of the people you are criticizing, otherwise you'll look like you're one of them. Yes, your new religion will treat you just right. It has a notion of sin (whiteness, maleness, straightness); of repentance (if you’re white, being an ally, and if you’re not—well, no need to repent, even better!); and of eschatology (the destruction of Western civilization and its replacement by a global multicultural utopia). Anyways, if you don't like this religion, I'm sure you can find something else to worship—a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or a career. Whatever works for you.
Step 6. As much as possible, keep the radio on, ear-buds in, Netflix running, computer open, Instagram scrolling. This way, you won't have to hear yourself think, or be bothered by any of the ways God might murmur at you from the deep crypts of your being. Of course, don't say that’s what you're doing. On social media, make sure people know you're really enlightened and into meditation in the spiritual-but-not-religious sort of way that would be acceptable on a primetime sitcom.
Step 7. This much should get you nice and de-converted. You'll make plenty of friends this way in college, and have no trouble getting along with your professors. But you've got to think ahead. Once you get out of college, especially once you have kids—in college, you said you might not have kids, but you always knew you would—it will be easy to backslide into the old religion. The best defense I can think of is to surround your post-college life with ultra-cosmopolitan faux-bohemians who have de-converted just like you. Together, you can carefully reconstruct your life's narrative as one of overcoming an oppressive Christian upbringing. This has the added benefit of bolstering your victim status, a major advantage these days in high society.
In sum, I know it's hard being raised with convictions and anything remotely resembling traditional values. But if you follow my seven easy steps, you'll be free of them in no time. And remember, it's not about whether Christianity is true. What is truth anyways? It's about what will help you make friends.
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